today as i was reading i read about Joseph being throne into prison. while he was there he met 2 men a baker and a wine taste. each man came to Joseph asking him about a dream they had,and Joseph told them what they meant. It came to past as Joseph has said to them about there dreams,that the baker was to be hanged and the wine tester to go back to working for the pharaoh. as they were being taken out of the jail to go to were they had been sent to Joseph ask them not to forget him, and they said that they wouldn't forget him. But they forgot him he was to stay in jail untill many years later he was to be remembered. to me this just shows how us humans can be, some times we will ask others for things and receive, but if some one ask you for something back you may say yes but ask soon as you got what you wanted, we just forget about them.
francis
Here's a re-write with an asterisk after each mistake. Make sure you pay attention to where you missed stuff, made errors.
ReplyDeleteT*oday as I* was reading,* I* read about Joseph being thrown* into prison. W*hile he was there,* he met two men-*a baker and a wine taster*. E*ach man came to Joseph asking him about a dream they had, and Joseph told them what they meant. Both dreams came to pass as Joseph had* exactly as Joseph had interpreted.[I changed this sentence because the one you had was very confusing-you were trying to use too many words and it got out of hand, having too many errors]. A*s they were being taken out of the jail to go wh*ere they where their dreams had destined them to go,* Joseph asked* the wine keeper[not the baker, for he was about to be executed] not to forget him, and the wine keeper promised not too.[I changed this to keep away from repetitive wording.] However, he was forgotten and stayed in prison for many more years, until he was finally remembered. T*o me,* this just shows how we* humans are; we ask of others and expect to receive, but when others ask favors from us, we make empty promises and forget all about them.[The last sentence you wrote....wow, if you were to try and read it out loud...you wouldn't even be able to make sense of it].
O.k., so I love what you got out of this passage. I would have never thought of that. But the errors that are in here are waaay too many for your grade level. I know that you did not proof read this at all. If you con't to ignore my warnings about correcting capital and punctuation errors, you are going to have a hard life ahead of you regarding your work load. Let's get serious about your writing skills.
I'm sorry that this seems so negative. But again, I really do love what you got out of it. Great work on that.